


When I'm Gone

by adrina_stark



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Dealing With Loss, Grief, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2701061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrina_stark/pseuds/adrina_stark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Contains spoilers for 5.08] It's like the world had dimmed. It's like all hope had gone. It's like a weight on her chest. The girl who sung was gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I'm Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I am not okay, but writing this actually helped a little.

 

It's like the world had dimmed, was colder, that a spark had left it.

Daryl stood for a moment, unable to look, but unable to keep his eyes away. Red had mixed with the gold of her hair, he had been so entranced by the shine but now it was tainted. Gone.

He forced himself to look, to reach down and gently pick her up – because that mattered. She was just as light as the first time he carried her, but this time she wasn't laughing or smiling.

He had never noticed how small she was until she was in his arms and he had wondered how so much strength could be contained in that petite frame. Wondered how joy and hope and peace could exist in a world where the dead literally roamed.

 _You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon_.

He wished he could tell her that she was wrong, that what he felt could not simply be described as 'so bad'. It was a gaping wound, a hole that never could be filled.

Daryl Dixon carried the small frame of Beth Greene down the halls of the hospital and his arms had never felt heavier.

* * *

It's like all hope had suddenly left, in a rush and all he was grasping for was mist.

It was just a moment ago he was kissing her forehead and welcoming her back to the group. She was safe, they were reunited and in an instant – a lifetime ago – all that was gone.

Rick could feel the blood drying on his neck but made no attempt to remove it – it was a reminder, never to trust, to believe others.

He doesn't want to turn around as they leave the hospital, the only sound being their footsteps. Doesn't want to see the lifeless body in Daryl's arms.

He can still remember the dream he had back at the prison, when it looked they there could be peace. He had fallen asleep to Beth's singing and it echoed in his dream. The prison had become more like a home in his dream. Crops were growing, there was colour and children. Someone had found a piano and Beth was teaching Judith her first song. She looked so much like Lori in the dream and Rick knew the tears on his cheeks when he awoke were not from sadness.

He had kept that dream to himself, especially after the prison burned but it never truly faded.

He had wanted Judith to grow up like that, capable, intelligent but still able to live in this world. Rick felt his hopes for his daughter vanish, that secret dream die, the same time Beth did.

Hope could not survive in this world, there was only suffering and loss.

* * *

It's like a weight on her chest, a kick to her gut, an endless burning pain, racing through her veins.

Maggie could not keep the smile off her face as the scenery raced past on the journey to Atlanta. She kept the image of Beth fixed in her mind, alive and safe. She tried to think of the words to say when they finally met up but all she really wanted to do was to hug her sister.

When Rick shook his head, a part of her had selfishly hoped that Carol had fallen. She had kept that image in her mind, golden strands flying in the wind and she hoped. She hoped even as Carol limped into view, praying for it to be anybody but Beth, not caring what kind of person that made her.

She barely felt the pain as she collapsed to the ground, legs giving way. Her focus was on the unmoving body in Daryl's arms, the red streaks in the blonde hair she used to stroke when Beth had a nightmare.

She barely heard herself as she screamed, screamed for Beth, wanting to beg her to move, to jump up with an excited 'surprise' and for it all to be okay.

Her fingers trembled as Daryl knelt next to her, oh so gentle with her sister. She reached out to stroke her stitched cheek, a sob escaping her as she touched the cooling flesh.

Scenarios ran through her head, of never leaving Beth at the prison, of staying at the church, finding her sooner. Everything she should have done.

Instead, she pulled her sister's corpse into her arms and sobbed, never wanting that weight to go because then nothing of her sister would be left.

* * *

It's like their sun had died. Their centre was missing and they were all drifting listlessly, without a gentle light to guide them.

Tara had never met Beth and the most she heard about her was on the day she died. Maggie hadn't been able to mention her on their trip to Washington, but she had heard her crying to Glenn at night, so worried for her sister.

Maggie had opened up on the way to the hospital, spending the time she wasn't sightseeing discussing her sister and all the annoying things she did but how Maggie loved her anyway. It made Tara ache for her own sister.

They buried Beth in an unremarkable location just outside of Atlanta. The silence of the group was only broken by the shovels in the dirt and Judith's whimpers, almost as if she could understand the loss.

After the priest said his words, Maggie had tried to sing. Daryl had walked away at the first note, his steps emanating grief, and Maggie had quickly broken down after. It was a simple lullaby, one that Tara knew so she tried to pick it up. Her voice was tight and throat constricted, but she finished with Rosita's help.

She stayed by the grave after, Maggie having quickly thanked her and rushed off, and said goodbye to the dead girl she had never met.

Their group was broken, fractured and Tara wondered if there were some things you simply couldn't recover from.

...

The girl who sung was gone, the light had dimmed, hope faded and the weight was unbearable.

* * *

_RIP Beth Greene._


End file.
